It’s been a few months since I’ve actually put thoughts to paper (*well, finger to keyboard but it doesn’t sound as good*). I’ve had the urge to write for a few days now so I figured now is a great time to do so. I asked for topics on Facebook from my friends and I got a lot of really great ideas but the one that came up more than once was the idea of romance. What is romance? How do you perform a romantic act? How often does it need to be shown? Does it have to be a huge production or can it be something really simple? Why do I need to be romantic in the first place? I will attempt to get into what this all means and how it works in our lives with our significant others.
I’m going to start with a caveat: I don’t think I’m romantic in the least, not in the way that I view romance. From the books that I have read and the movies that I’ve seen, the things that I do wouldn’t be considered romantic. Yes, I know that I shouldn’t get my ideas about certain things from movies and books but that’s actually how I learned about a lot of things. Anyway, I decided to do a very unscientific study to find out what romance means to different people. The answers I got were very interesting to me not only because of the wide range of ideas that I got but also because I may be a little bit more romantic than I thought.
First of all, what is romance? We all know the major romantic holiday in America, Valentine’s Day. The day men across the country get stressed out because we have to figure out a way to make our women happy and not be “that guy”. You know that guy: the guy that forgot it was Valentine’s Day, the guy that bought the last rose from Hess and it looks like it came from a gas station. Or worse being the guy that get’s embarrassed by the “other” guy. You buy your girl a rose, the other guy has a bouquet delivered every hour on the hour. You know that guy, the one that makes us want to throw up!
From the different definitions one statement was revealed in all of them: Romance is putting the TIME and EFFORT into showing someone you love them. Women like to feel wanted, desired, needed, adored and special. Let me rephrase that: Women Need to feel all of the above… and shoes! I, personally never thought about it like that. I always thought it had to be wining and dining, lots and lots of flowers and champagne, horse and carriage rides. Nobody told me about holding hands, writing little notes, cooking, taking walks. Nobody told me about sitting and listening to her vent, reading together, or cuddling during a movie was considered romantic.
So, why aren’t men romantic with their ladies when it appears to me that it’s easy to do a little something for them? I can sum it up in one word: Comfortable! We get comfortable in our position in your lives. We get comfortable that you ain’t goin’ no where. We get comfortable knowing we have a child/children together so we’re together until we decide we want to leave. Let me be clear, I’ve been comfortable before…it just kind of sneaks up on us. I didn’t realize all the things I wasn’t doing any more because there were certain things that I was still handling………………………………………You know what I’m talking about! When that comfort seeped into that relationship, I forgot to keep doing what I did to get her in the first place. I didn’t call all the time. I didn’t text. I didn’t say I love you with the same feeling that I used to. I stopped holding her hand, I looking at her with that longing like I used to. I got comfortable…and now we are no longer together.
Ladies, you can actually help this whole romantical thing. As men, we aren’t that bright sometimes. Ok, we can be plain stupid if you want to know the truth. That being said, give us some not so subtle hints: make me hold you hand, Deebo a hug from me, force me to come home from work/the park/the bar to sit down and eat dinner with you, turn the game off and make me have a conversation with you about anything. Come downstairs in your workout clothes and make me take a walk with you. Help me to understand that the little things are the important things. What you shouldn’t do is beat me in the head with: Derrick, did this and Lance did that or Darrell did this with his girl. The minute your man starts talking about Shari does this for her man or Nita wears that for her man or Felisha goes here with her man or Le’Tara…you know what I’m saying. You’re going to feel some type of way if your man comes at you like that. I’m just saying.
A friend of mine put on Facebook the other day “As a man, you need to keep your woman feeling wanted”. That statement is so true because what you won’t or don’t do, someone else will. Someone else will show your woman how special she is. Someone else will cherish her and worship her and pamper her and make her feel as special as she needs….all the things she wants from you but your too busy or blind or shallow or stupid to see.
The bottom line is this, don’t lose the spark. Don’t lose that connection to each other that allowed you to fall in love in the first place. Fellas, realize that it doesn’t have to be huge it just has to be from the heart. Grab you lady, hug her with all of your might and let her know…continue to let her know that you love her!
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