I am a man. I have been a male all of my life; just took me a while to understand how to be a man. These are two distinctly different things; being a male and being a man. Being a male means I have XY chromosomes, I get facial hair, my voice is deeper, I have physical strength, I have a penis. All of these things are what physically make me a male. What makes me a man? How many children I create? How many women I have slept with? How much money I make? The type of car I drive? How many dudes I have knocked out? How many bodies I have? How many bids I did? Aren’t these manly traits? Is the criteria for manhood within the confines of these questions?
When A Man Loves A Woman
What I learned in the streets about being a man wasn’t true. What I learned from watching Rambo, Scarface, Goodfellas or The Terminator didn’t give me the type of manly traits I needed to survive in the world. I didn’t learn how to be a man from Ice Cube, Biggie, 50 Cent, or 2 Chainz. My father taught me, my grandfather taught me, my uncles
taught me and finally, I had to figure some things out for myself before I could finally proclaim that I am a man.
My fathers and grandfather taught to me take my hat off while indoors, open the door for ladies, be polite, say what I mean and mean what I say. They taught me to work hard, take care of my family and be responsible for my actions. Some of these things I had to relearn in my adult life because I had either forgotten them or refused to abide by them. By me forgetting the things I learned, I ended up in situations that I should have never been in if I continued to follow the lead they all provided me.
The point of it all is this: We, as males/men, have failed. We have failed our children, our women, and our community. We have allowed ourselves to be viewed as savages by our actions. We have allowed our wives and daughters to be subjected to more hatred and disrespect; not by outsiders. Oh no, the culprit is us. Our boys are out wandering the streets trying to discover what it is that makes a male a man and they are being miseducated on what it really means to grow into manhood. We as males/men have failed miserably to protect our community from outside influences that contribute to the degradation of our community.
A woman Cannot teach a Boy to be a Man. Let me repeat: A Woman Cannot teach a Boy to be a Man! I love all of you single mothers who have had to take on that responsibility for years and years, and there are a lot of good men out there that were raised by single mothers. My question is this: wouldn’t it have been easier with Dad around? Teach the kids, boy and girl, to ride a bike, throw a ball, get the monsters out of the closet, bring in a check so you didn’t have to work 60+ hours just so there was something extra in the house? Wouldn’t it have been easier if before the kids gave you a massive headache, there was a voice that all children listen to? A voice that wasn’t to be fooled with?
Boys are out here with no sense of self worth. Girls are defining themselves by their body parts at such a young age. All because their is no balance in our universe. We have the mother, the nurturer, the care giver, the first teacher; but we have no head. There is no leader because he’s out running the streets getting money, making more babies, looking for greener pastures, or just being a plain old, ordinary bum ass dude.
One of my father’s favorite lines is “Nobody is going to disturb my happy home”, and he means that. Nobody is going to create confusion in his household. I have learned from him a great deal of patience because let’s be honest ladies, you all can be very difficult at times. I learned to walk away from a fight because what is said in anger can never be taken back. I learned the best answer to this question: would I rather be right or would I rather be happy? A lot of men don’t know the answer, shit, a lot of women don’t know the answer. I want to be happy and if that means swallowing my tongue, if it means I have to admit I am wrong, if it means I have to be in the house at a certain time or I can’t hang out with my boys, so be it. My girlfriend, my wife, my significant other needs to know her happiness is paramount to me. My manhood isn’t in question because I gave in or I compromised. Nobody can take my man card away because I can’t hangout tonight.
As a matter of fact, go out and buy your girl a rose…or an orchid. Take her out to eat. Hold her hand when you’re walking down the street. Listen to her stories. Turn off ESPN and have an hour long conversation with her. Play house with your daughter. Take your son to a baseball game. Hug everyone in your house. Show them that you love them.
Fellas, the bottom line is this: you create a life, be there for your child. Be there for the woman you impregnated. There’s nothing greater than having a family. There’s no greater sense of accomplishment than watching your children grow. There’s nothing greater than the feeling of love that comes from a woman…your woman. Not your mother, not your Nana, not even your daughter. The love that comes from the woman that truly loves you, knows what scares you, holds you when you cry and knows all of your flaws is more powerful than any hurricane, volcano or tsunami. It gives you the drive, the desire, the motivation to go from being you to becoming the best you possible!
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