Baby Mama/Baby Daddy Issues Pt. 1

Please allow me to introduce myself: I am Infinite7154 and I will be hosting a blog here on MindBender Ent. two to three times a week. Just so we’re clear, I won’t attempt to create controversy for the sake of starting and argument. I will tell you the truth according to me: how I feel about different issues, what I see according to my way of living and thinking.
I know for a fact that I don’t know a whole lot about everything but like everybody else I have my opinions. I will do my best to be factual. I will do my best to be entertaining (I mean this is an entertainment website, right?) But I truly want to be able to make you think and have discussions about the topics of the day. Use the comments section whether you agree with me wholeheartedly or if you feel I’m full of s*%t. Make your voice be heard…this is the place for it.


Beyonce, Jay-Z and Blue Ivy

I have a wife. I also have a baby’s mama. Those are two separate situations in my life and I do my best to make sure my wife doesn’t feel any insecurity towards my son’s mother. If you watch shows like Love and Hip-Hop, Basketball Wives, or the Real Housewives of Atlanta, there’s always baby mama/baby daddy issues. But what happens when this BM/BD break up? How does that change the dynamic of the whole BM/BD relationship?

This is going to be Pt. 1 in a series of blogs about the BM/BD situations. Today is going to be about what happens when the relationship is over.

In a Washington Post article written in 2009, almost 40% of all children are born to single mothers or out of wedlock. That means there’s a gang of kids growing up in a household with only one of their real parents. The games begin when the BM/BD relationship ends. Fellas, why is it ok for you to deny your child once y’all stop f@#kin’? Sounds really lame to me. Ladies, why do think it’s cool for you to deny you’re BD the right to see his child(ren) because y’all stopped f@#kin’? What type of bird sh*t are you pulling? I would think everybody would realize these children aren’t pawns in a game. I would hope everybody understands these children don’t care about the bullsh*t, they just want their mommy/daddy to show them love and attention. In the meantime the games are on.

Back When They Were Happy

This scenario is all too common : Couple has a child, relationship ends (for whatever reason), BM/BD try to work it out a couple of times, it doesn’t work, they try again and still doesn’t work. Here we go with the b.s. BD decides since he can’t have his BM, he ain’t doing sh*t for his kid(s). He won’t bring diapers, formula, sneakers, school clothes, time, energy, effort or his “Dad” voice. He’s done with his BM, therefore he’s done with his child(ren).

Is He a Dead Beat Dad?

This one is becoming even more common(I went through it): Everything you read above except the BM isn’t going to deny the kid. Nope, what she’s going to do is deny the BD the ability to see and take care of his kid(s). He isn’t allowed to pick them up or when a visit is scheduled, she’ll change her mind. The BD won’t know about events, doctors appointments, school pictures, nothing. BM figures if BD isn’t going to be with her, he shouldn’t be able to see his kid(s).

Is She Being Spiteful?

Why are these children being used as pawns on a daily basis? Why are these children a part of this war between two people that claimed they love each other at one point? What benefits come from these games being played?

The only thing worse than a dead beat dad is a bird who won’t allow a man be a dad. Let’s get it together and understand it’s not about you. You’re kid(s) are suffering.


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  1. Will Smith says:

    This is sad that this is true, im confused on why women cant just keep it classy after a bd bm break up? For that matter why cant the bd just understand that even though the relationship is over that his responsability as a dad isnt? And why is that we have bm chasing and calling the bd to make sure he is gonna make his schedule visit? I’m going to court right now to get the ability to see my daughter. Any suggestions?

    1. Infinite7154 says:

      Will, you have to use the court process for your daughter and be ready when things don’t go your way. It is sad when parents behave more like the children than the children do. Do what you have to do for your daughter; she will appreciate and love you all the more for it.

  2. Franchise says:

    Mothers use thier kids to try to keep dudes all the time. The thing that kills me is when mothers try to make men be fathers. Why do you have to help the father of your child? Giving him rides to events and reminding him about when he has to pick up his child(ern)? I am a father through and through. I dont need my child’s mother to tell me anything because I miss my child so much, she has to tell me to let her have sometime too. Maybe because i never knew my dad so i know how that feels, but overall women need to stop putting thier kids in between thier problems. Mr. Smith I would say go in with a positive attitude and let the judge know I miss my daughter and I just want to be given a chance to be a father. Other than that all you can do is pray

    1. Emperor Cole says:

      I agree. I’ve seen several times where women use the kids as leverage against the man and won’t allow him to see his kids because the relationship between them is breaking down.

  3. Nellie216 says:

    Infinite 7154, I applaud you for doing your best to maintain/balance being a good father and husband. I know your wife is appreciateive of your attempts to keep her from feeling any insecurities. I’m sure that goes a long way in your marriage, and I pray your wife is a huge support to you in exchange.

    The scenario I passionately DESPISE the most is when a man and woman have sex anywhere from once to a few times and she ends up pregnant. It’s the woman’s choice, ultimately…I respect it. I DON’T RESPECT some reasonings behind the choices like “This child will make him mines,” and when that doesn’t happen so she uses the child every chance she gets to get at the father…overlooking that it’s the child she’s hurting and depriving the most. Then goes harder when he’s entered a relationship with another woman and will continue to do so unless she’s in a relationship. That’s the BIRDEST thing in the world.

    I’m currently with my CHILD’S FATHER and God forbid we ever part, I just can’t see myself doing that to a man who takes pride in being a father and my daughter’s happiness will always be much more important to me than my own.

    1. Infinite7154 says:

      Nellie216, thank you for the these words. Explain this to your girl friends, your sisters, your aunts, who ever needs to hear common sense! Too many women, whether they were a pop off or were “wifey”, don’t understand the pain they cause the CHILD behaving like a bird. The child wants to see both parents, the child wants to be taken care of and spend time with both parents. Yes, it’s hard but we all have to behave in the best interest of the child. And to your point: A keep a n@$ga baby never works!

      1. Nellie216 says:

        Right…you know of any language classes teaching Bird…so we can try telling some these females that?! LOL

        1. Nellie216 says:

          Oh…and you’re welcome!

  4. Lance Wingo says:

    Fathers have to step up and realize that the bm does not have all the power. Sure, not being married to the woman is going to make things a little harder for you, but once paternity is established you have rights too. It’s time for us men to start educating ourselves in this area so the bm won’t think and act like she has so much power. Yes, this does mean going to court and getting established visitation and child support, but if you’re truly a father those things shouldn’t bother you. A court order will cut out most of the bull, and if the bm still is acting crazy, take detailed notes of everytime she violates the court order, call the police if you have too, then take her back to court. Eventually she will stop acting or you will get full custody of your child.

    1. Infinite7154 says:

      Lance, I couldn’t agree more. I had to go through a 3 year battle for custody of my son and it was worth the fight. We, as a people, don’t like the courts in our business. Unfortunately, there’s no other choice in a lot of cases. Men have to take advantage of their rights as fathers and get into the court system BEFORE they end up in jail because their bm won’t let them see their kid.

    2. Nellie216 says:

      I definitley agree with you. BMs seem to have the thought that they have that control because the father gives the impression many times that he’s not going to do anything…and with these females being birds, they take it as if he’s scared, so they continue. I hate when fathers put all their time, effort and emotions into court, win custody, visitations, w/e and still allow the female to act up, keeping him from the child and not wnat to use the court for what they faught for. It just makes all the fighting they do in court and winning pointless. So I agree stand up, she didn’t care about the father’s or the child’s feelings, for however long, so why fall back and not take that next step…even if it means calling the cops? As a woman, I need someone to explain to me why men won’t do it. When I’m for by any means necessary when it comes to the child, why do men make it look like that’s such a wrong thing to do?