People were expecting Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to make decent money this weekend. It’s based on one of pop culture’s premiere turtle-based properties, and it had Michael Bay’s name attached- which, for better or for worse (oh, who are we kidding- it’s for worse) is almost a guaranteed moneymaker
What people weren’t expecting, though, is just how much money the Turtles pulled in last weekend.
These horrible little troglodytes attempting to pass themselves off as Ninja Turtles made a whopping 65 million and counting opening at the box office. And that can only mean one thing- more Ninja Turtles, following the same formula that made them so much box office bank in the first place.
That means more ugly turtles, more ridiculous and unnecessary costume details (shell necklaces, shell necklaces everywhere), and more cheap Michael Bay-style jokes.
There’s a silver lining here (well, two silver linings stuck together, really). One, a sequel to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles might introduce some more of the characters we’re all longing to see- Bebop and Rocksteady, Krang, etc. Even if they are given a gritty 2014 reboot makeover.
And two, maybe Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ box-office blitz was just a freak occurrence, like one mass of collective Ninja Turtles fans looked at this movie, thought, “well, I have to see this- look how awful it looks,” and pumped the movie full of opening weekend cash.
If that’s the case, expect this thing to make precious few dollars in the coming weeks.
It’s our only hope, people.
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