I personally grew up with my father in my home and leading the family financially. Although he was a mild mannered man, very nice and extremely quiet and reserved, he was there. Our communication level was minimal at best. Yet the very presence of my dad knowing that I could depend on him made him my rock. He taught me humility and respect, and I never heard him complain about providing for me.
Having my father present and available gave me confidence and security. It made me feel valued and most of all cherished. I NEVER looked for validation from a man. I never felt as though I couldn’t stand alone. And I always knew I could call on Daddy -whenever whatever.
Not every girl shares this story. What happens to the young ladies that have been abandoned by their fathers? What does the absence of that father do to her psyche -consciously and sub-conciously? Does she overcome the odds set against her by becoming ultra successful and in turn presenting herself as a beacon of hope for other little girls that stand deserted and fatherless? Unfortunately more often than not that isn’t the case.
These little girls grow into women still questioning why doesn’t my daddy love me? How can he leave me in this world alone? The self blame becomes almost second nature. What can be done to cope with that pain? Some become bitter and angry. Some try to ease the pain with addictions to drugs, food, or compulsive spending. Many even try to fill that painful void with MEN. They are longing for that nurturer. The nurturer that should have been Daddy!
How can a man with a sound mind and emotions get up and go about his day and not be there for his baby girl? How is it possible for a man to shut out the one female that he should love and pour the most into? Missing every major milestone in that little girl’s life – birthdays, loosing her first tooth, the first day of school, her first crush, her first heart break? Instead the absentee Dad is her first heart break! The one that is supposed to make it ok is her first disappointment.
A little girl blossoms into a woman without the advice and encouragement of her dad. Instead she takes with her into womanhood, heart wrenching memories of the little girl she once was. Hoping and praying to God that her father would show up and tell her how much he loved her and how sorry he was for not being around. That woman has trouble trusting men. Either not wanting to get to close, or wanting that man to be all that her father was not – present, loving, caring, protective.
What can cause a father to be absent from their daughter? Could the dysfunctional relationship with your daughter’s mother EVER be enough to make you disappear? Or could your own selfish desires along with your lack of responsibility turn you away from your precious gift? Do you think of her, but just suppress the thoughts? Or do you not think of her at all? Cause she thinks of you.
To the absentee fathers, I’m encouraging you to turn back from your narcissistic ways and make your wrongs right. Humble yourself! Break this revolving door of fatherless women. Invite the words I’M SORRY into your vocabulary and accept your FAULTS. Move away from the blame game and begin to embrace the gift that God gave you to have charge over Your daughter. Fathers go rescue your daughters.
To all of the roses that grew through concrete. The fatherless women that still possess that heart broken little girl inside. I want you to know that you are a Queen and a gift. I encourage you to use your pain to catapault you to incredible heights in life. Begin to direct your pain and no longer allow your pain to direct you. Forgive yourself and your father and set yourself free.
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