Ok people, I hope you had a good Christmas. Lot’s of time with family and friends. Lot’s of gifts and food and liquor. If you’re anything like me, you’re at working only because you don’t want to lose that holiday pay. The way I look at it, I may as well do something productive while at work so I figured I’d write a new blog for the day.Today I have a question: Is it cool to go dutch on the first couple of dates? For those of you who have no idea what it means to go dutch, here it is. You pay for you and I pay for me. Whatever we do for that evening you pay for your part. Your food, your movie ticket, your snacks, your whatever. Now I have gotten a few different responses from women about the subject ranging from it’s a good idea to hell to the no and everything in between. I’m going to attempt to give you both sides of the coin and you tell me what you think.
No Bueno
I’ve asked quite a few women and a couple of fellas about the dutch situation and the ones that responded no to going dutch did so for a few different reasons. The dudes were like it is a mans jobs to pay for their dates. The ladies pretty much echoed the same things. To take it a step further, the ladies feel like being offered the dutch option means they are being put into the friend zone. Even asking such a thing is a violation to some ladies. I was told if a man is truly interested in a female he would pick up the tab, open doors, bring flowers, etc. The fellas said they paid on dates because that was a part of being a man and showing the woman that he was man enough to take care of things for her now and in the future. The women said they wanted to be treated like ladies from beginning to end and going dutch takes away from that feeling. Plus, no woman wants to end up like Gabrielle Union’s character in Think Like A Man, where the still go “halfsies” in after a 9 year relationship.
Money Ain’t A Thang
The flip side are those that feel dutch is a great idea. A lot of guys feel like if they pay for anything then they are “owed” something. A recurring theme of the ladies I asked was they didn’t want the guy to believe he was owed anything after the date. If he paid for his half and she paid for her half then at the end of the night they can part ways…fair exchange. A few also said that because it’s the beginning, they are willing to get to know the guy better and let the relationship build to the point where they are a couple. The fellas that agree with going dutch feel pretty much the same thing, they want to get to know the young lady better before coming out of their pocket heavy for dates. I was also told that sometimes it’s just to see where the lady’s head is at. If they’re cool with going dutch, he picks up the check anyway. If she flips out, it doesn’t cost him a dime to find out what type of female he feels she is.
I think the beauty of this whole thing is you can be dead ass right and dead ass wrong at the same time. If you, as the man, ask her to go dutch, she, as the lady, can say hell no you cheap bastard and she misses out on the man of her dreams. Then he in turn can respond with you gold digging bird. OR…he can ask her to go dutch, she says hell no you cheap bastard and he can lose out on the woman that would change his life because she expects to be treated. OR…he can ask her to go dutch, she agrees, they go out and find out they don’t like each other. OR…well, you get the point. There are so many different scenarios that can play out with one simple question.
This is what I feel about the situation: I think men and women are in this perpetual game of trying to get over on each other. Women (I’m generalizing) want to get as much as they can without giving up anything. Men want to get as much as they can with only giving up the bare minimum. It’s a vicious cycle that’s played out continuously throughout America. So because of this game that is being played, I believe dutch is an option that should be available in certain situations. I’ve been called everything but a child of God because I told this female we were going dutch if we went out. First, I had to explain to her what dutch is. Then she flipped on me. What she didn’t realize was I wanted to see where her head is at. She wasn’t what I considered to be a high draft pick but I was willing to take a shot on her and get to know her better…give her a chance to raise her stock. Obviously we didn’t go out because of her reaction. Now on her behalf, she could have felt I wasn’t a 10 or even on her radar and the fact that I asked her to go out and to pay her half was a complete and total insult. I don’t know.
So…is going dutch an option or a deal breaker? Can you see yourself paying for your half of the date or is the question just out of the question? Let me know what you think, I’m really interested in knowing.
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