This past weekend, I went to see Kem and Angie Stone in concert. I had never been to an R&B concert before so I was really excited to go and I wasn’t disappointed. Me and my date got there early enough to see one of the opening acts, Anthony David, and the boy could sang.
Anyway, there was a point where Kem was talking to the ladies and he was telling them that they needed to set forth some expectations. He was saying that ladies to tell the men to come correct if they wanted to be with thme: have a job, have a car, have a home, etc. He even went as far as to say a woman should expect a man to have a credit score over 750. And I respect everything he was saying because it’s true. Women (as well as men) should have standards, expectations if you will. This is my problem and it’s a problem I’ve had all my adult life. How is a woman going to ask a man for something she doesn’t have herself?
As I said before; I’m all for having and setting expectations. Why waste time with someone who isn’t where you are or you need them to be? I get that, I really do. But that night, when he made the 750 credit score comment, there was a lady right behind me yelling 850! Now, I don’t pretend to know this lady’s credit situation. I didn’t see what she was driving after the show. I don’t know what type of house she owns. I do know this: all too often, we as men are asked to produce things that the woman asking doesn’t have and it ain’t right.
Before I got my car, I caught the bus. I caught the bus to work, to the mall, to the movies, to get my son. Wherever I needed to go I needed I caught the bus(or a cab if it was pay week). So I got a chance to meet a lot of different people, namely young ladies catching the bus like me. And I listened to conversations the ladies were having. Conversations about what they expected out of a man. And more often than not these words were spoken: “I need a man with a car because we both can’t be riding the bus.” My question is why not? Why can’t both of you ride the bus to places to have fun? Why can’t both of you ride the bus to work? Because when it comes down to it, even if a woman meets a man with a car, IT’S HIS CAR! He’s not obligated to take you places or run you around town. Why can’t the both of you ride the bus until you both save enough to get a car that you share? Or work together until you both can afford a car? Why does it have to be you aren’t driving but he has to be? How’d you get there before he came around? Exactly! You’re not giving what you expect.
I have a big thing about listening. In order to hear a conversation you have to listen. Not hear what’s being said, listen to what’s being said. That means no forming of rebuttals while the other person is still talking because at that point, you’re not listening any more. So because I listen the way I do, I expect others to listen to me when I’m speaking. Honestly, that’s why I prefer to write. You can’t interrupt my fingers and this keyboard. I’ve met and dealt with a lot of ladies who want to be heard but don’t want to listen. We both can’t speak at once and believe it or not ladies; what you have to say isn’t more important than what I’m saying. If I have to listen to your feelings and give them validity, even when I don’t agree or understand, the least you can do is listen to someone else talk. I’m just sayin’…
Let’s talk about this 750 credit score because it really important at this time in my life. First, I don’t have a 750, I’m short by 100 points or so. That being said, my score is still higher than a lot of the females that I know and associate with. Now, when I talk to a woman and we get around to talking about business, can I expect this womans score to be 700+? Or should I, at most, expect it to be close to where mine is?
The woman that was behind me screaming about 850; I don’t believe she had an 850, it’s the highest FICO score you can get. Yet she decided to put out there her expectation was a man with that type of score. Now I also believe she was just talking because Kem was up there. If we can work together to get some things paid off, if we work together to budget our money so that less is going out and more is staying in, if we work together to get both scores where we would like them to be, WE can go alot further than if MY score is on point and yours isn’t.
The bottom line is this: if you want me to have a house, you should have one. If I have to make six figures, then you should be doing it too. If my car has to be top of the line, you shouldn’t be coming at me with a ‘94 ES 300 with rims and a system. No, you shouldn’t settle for less. No, you shouldn’t expect less. No, you shouldn’t have to tolerate the bs we give. But I mean damn, don’t ask for caviar when you are on a 2 for $20 budget.
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